(NEW YORK) — Like many of us, Amanda Peet is struggling with aging. But in her profession, it comes at a greater cost.
In an essay for Lena Dunham’s newsletter, Lenny Letter, the 44-year-old star of HBO’s Togetherness copped to bleaching her teeth, dyeing her hair, and experimenting with lasering, face peels and age-defying creams, all in an effort to look younger.
However, she’s stopped short of Botox and fillers, explaining “one visit to a cosmetic dermatologist would be my gateway drug.”
“I want the thing that makes me look younger, not the thing that makes me look like I did the thing,” says Peet. “Letting my face age naturally will be my ace in the hole. My counterclaim. Proof that I didn’t pander to the male gaze.”
Peet wrote that in her line of work, her looks influence what roles — if any — she is offered. Aging is not conducive to landing meaty parts, she added, many of which go to younger actresses like recent Oscar winner Alicia Vikander.
“You might think, ‘Wait, she’s 27 and a gorgeous movie star, and you’re 44 and a low-tier, TV-mom-type; you’re not in the same ballpark.’ But she is squeezing me out. She’s in the hot center and I’m on the remote perimeter,” she wrote. “The train has left the station and I’m one of those moronic stragglers running alongside with her purse caught in the door. Everyone’s looking at me like, ‘Let go, you bullheaded old hag! There’s no room for you.'”
Now, the mother of three is trying to come to terms with her age — and the wrinkles that come with it.
“Since we’re all going to get wrinkly and die, maybe we’ve got to move in the direction of acceptance about that,” she wrote. “It’s like what they teach you in driving school: if your car skids, turn the wheels right into it. It’s counter-intuitive, but don’t fight the slide.”
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